What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
