That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
