We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
