Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
