I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
