I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
