Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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