Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
ugly people sure do ruin things
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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