Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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