i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
