I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
