im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
