Christians are straight up FREAKS
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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