just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
