PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
