Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
