i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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