I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
