I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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