do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
