if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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