I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
You don't make any sense
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