i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
