I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
