I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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