I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
