My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
