Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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