My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
