she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
