just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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