Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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