When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
