I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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