I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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