I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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