he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
