The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
