3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
