if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
