Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
