Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
not ubering you a puppy
Randomize
