i was born a porn star she said
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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