we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
