youre lurking in front of me
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
