I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
