I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
