Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
