I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
