I accidentally burped into my bong.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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