my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
