Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
