her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
