youre lurking in front of me
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
