Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
