You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
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