I think I died a long time ago.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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