Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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